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Sarcasm /quotes or signatures! (Sarcasm /quotes or signatures!)
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Sarcasm /quotes or signatures!

1. Politics makes estranged bedfellows.
-- Goodman Ace

2. A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.
-- Edward Abbey

3. There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence.
-- Henry Adams

4. Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
-- Woody Allen

5. I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded, dead.
-- Woody Allen

6. Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
--Woody Allen

7. Jack Benny played Mendelsson last night. Mendelsson lost.
-- Anonymous

8. I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don't understand.
-- Sir Edward Appleton

9. People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.
-- Russel Baker

10. A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants.
-- Alben W. Barkley

11. Life is a long lesson in humility.
-- James M. Barrie

12. If you suveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you'd find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but every last one of them would know the theme song from the 'Beverly Hillbillies'.
-- Dave Barry

13. The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withstand tremendous boredom."
-- Dave Barry

14. The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.
-- Dave Barry

15. I've noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.
-- Dave Barry

16. It is not necesssary to understand things in order to argue about them.
-- Caron de Beaumarchais

17. It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes.
-- Sir Thomas Beecham

18. Everything is worth precisely as much as a belch, the difference being that a belch is more satisfying.
-- Ingmar Bergman

19. The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
-- Ambrose Bierce

20. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
-- Ambrose Bierce

21. Rugby is a beastly game played by gentlemen; soccer is a gentleman's game played by beasts; football is a beastly game played by beasts.
-- Henry Blaha

22. One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.
-- Erma Bombeck

23. I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of a hill.
-- Erma Bombeck

24. Guidelines for Bureaucrats: 1. When in charge, ponder. 2. When in trouble, delegate. 3. When in doubt, mumble.
-- James H. Borden

25. The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if it were.
-- David Brinkley

26. The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.
-- Victor Borge

27. You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is satire. All you're doing is recording it.
-- Art Buchwald

28. Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victems he intends to eat until he eats them.
-- Samuel Butler

29. I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of old ones.
-- John Cage

30. When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.
--Dom Helder Camara

"The hours I spend with you I look upon as sort of a perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a fountain signing to and you alone make me feel that I am alive...Other men, it is said, have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough."
11-17-2009 05:48 AM
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RE: Sarcasm /quotes or signatures!

7. Jack Benny played Mendelsson last night. Mendelsson lost.

are any of you old enough to know why that is funny?

Believe in the
of your

11-17-2009 06:00 AM
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