Post Reply  Post Thread 

Ken, this stuff I know you'd like
Author Message
Annette



Posts: 2,200
Group: Administrator
Joined: Sep 2006
Status: Offline
Reputation:
Post: #1
Ken, this stuff I know you'd like

1. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir
Cumference. He acquired

his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned
out to be an

optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a

weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind
in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in
Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are
looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said
to the other,

'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his

grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small
medium at large.

19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
seasoned veteran.

20. A backward poet writes inverse.

21. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your
count that votes.


22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

23. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!



10-05-2008 07:41 AM
Send the author an email Send the author a private message Find all posts by this author Quote this message in a reply
Annette



Posts: 2,200
Group: Administrator
Joined: Sep 2006
Status: Offline
Reputation:
Post: #2
RE: Ken, this stuff I know you'd like

Parvinder and Habib are beggars. They beg in different areas of London .

Habib begs just as long as Parvinder but only collects $2 to $3 every day.

Parvinder brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Habib says to Parvinder 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 notes every day?'

Parvinder says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'?

Habib's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'.

Parvinder says 'No wonder you only get $2- $3

Habib says... 'So what does your sign say'?

Parvinder shows Habib his sign....

It reads, 'I only need another $10 to move back to Pakistan '






Believe in the
Magic
of your
Dreams





10-05-2008 08:02 AM
Send the author an email Send the author a private message Find all posts by this author Quote this message in a reply
Annette



Posts: 2,200
Group: Administrator
Joined: Sep 2006
Status: Offline
Reputation:
Post: #3
RE: Ken, this stuff I know you'd like

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike
English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should
definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.




(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Send this to all the smart women you know...and all the men that have! a sense of humor.



Believe in the
Magic
of your
Dreams





10-05-2008 08:02 AM
Send the author an email Send the author a private message Find all posts by this author Quote this message in a reply

Post Reply  Post Thread 

View a Printable Version
Send this Thread to a Friend
Subscribe to this Thread | Add Thread to Favorites
Rate This Thread:

Forum Jump: