11-17-2009, 05:48 AM
1. Politics makes estranged bedfellows.
-- Goodman Ace
2. A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.
-- Edward Abbey
3. There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence.
-- Henry Adams
4. Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
-- Woody Allen
5. I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded, dead.
-- Woody Allen
6. Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
--Woody Allen
7. Jack Benny played Mendelsson last night. Mendelsson lost.
-- Anonymous
8. I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don't understand.
-- Sir Edward Appleton
9. People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.
-- Russel Baker
10. A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants.
-- Alben W. Barkley
11. Life is a long lesson in humility.
-- James M. Barrie
12. If you suveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you'd find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but every last one of them would know the theme song from the 'Beverly Hillbillies'.
-- Dave Barry
13. The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withstand tremendous boredom."
-- Dave Barry
14. The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.
-- Dave Barry
15. I've noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.
-- Dave Barry
16. It is not necesssary to understand things in order to argue about them.
-- Caron de Beaumarchais
17. It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes.
-- Sir Thomas Beecham
18. Everything is worth precisely as much as a belch, the difference being that a belch is more satisfying.
-- Ingmar Bergman
19. The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
-- Ambrose Bierce
20. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
-- Ambrose Bierce
21. Rugby is a beastly game played by gentlemen; soccer is a gentleman's game played by beasts; football is a beastly game played by beasts.
-- Henry Blaha
22. One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.
-- Erma Bombeck
23. I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of a hill.
-- Erma Bombeck
24. Guidelines for Bureaucrats: 1. When in charge, ponder. 2. When in trouble, delegate. 3. When in doubt, mumble.
-- James H. Borden
25. The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if it were.
-- David Brinkley
26. The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.
-- Victor Borge
27. You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is satire. All you're doing is recording it.
-- Art Buchwald
28. Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victems he intends to eat until he eats them.
-- Samuel Butler
29. I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of old ones.
-- John Cage
30. When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.
--Dom Helder Camara
-- Goodman Ace
2. A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.
-- Edward Abbey
3. There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence.
-- Henry Adams
4. Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
-- Woody Allen
5. I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded, dead.
-- Woody Allen
6. Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
--Woody Allen
7. Jack Benny played Mendelsson last night. Mendelsson lost.
-- Anonymous
8. I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don't understand.
-- Sir Edward Appleton
9. People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.
-- Russel Baker
10. A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants.
-- Alben W. Barkley
11. Life is a long lesson in humility.
-- James M. Barrie
12. If you suveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you'd find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but every last one of them would know the theme song from the 'Beverly Hillbillies'.
-- Dave Barry
13. The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withstand tremendous boredom."
-- Dave Barry
14. The old system of having a baby was much better than the new system, the old system being characterized by the fact that the man didn't have to watch.
-- Dave Barry
15. I've noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.
-- Dave Barry
16. It is not necesssary to understand things in order to argue about them.
-- Caron de Beaumarchais
17. It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes.
-- Sir Thomas Beecham
18. Everything is worth precisely as much as a belch, the difference being that a belch is more satisfying.
-- Ingmar Bergman
19. The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
-- Ambrose Bierce
20. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
-- Ambrose Bierce
21. Rugby is a beastly game played by gentlemen; soccer is a gentleman's game played by beasts; football is a beastly game played by beasts.
-- Henry Blaha
22. One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.
-- Erma Bombeck
23. I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of a hill.
-- Erma Bombeck
24. Guidelines for Bureaucrats: 1. When in charge, ponder. 2. When in trouble, delegate. 3. When in doubt, mumble.
-- James H. Borden
25. The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if it were.
-- David Brinkley
26. The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.
-- Victor Borge
27. You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is satire. All you're doing is recording it.
-- Art Buchwald
28. Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victems he intends to eat until he eats them.
-- Samuel Butler
29. I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of old ones.
-- John Cage
30. When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.
--Dom Helder Camara
