Remove Ads

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Some reasons why the English language is hard to learn...
#1
The bandage was wound around the wound.

The farm was used to produce produce.

The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse

We must polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

After a number of injections my jaw got number.

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
:parrot:
Reply
#2
this reminds me of one about the word UP & how varied the use of the word is
I'll try to find the email it's written on.
How are you Ken?
I wished you a happy birthday, a month ago, you didnt come in!
I had :fireworks: and :birthdaycake: :dancing_biggrin::dancing_hmm:
Reply
#3
The dual use of "invalid" is one of my favorites to poke fun at in reference to invalid coaches.

One thing I wish I had the balls to do, is add a ~ above the "n" on the "Senior Bus" and add a big mustache to the front of it.

:dancing_biggrin:
Reply
#4
Senior bus {that's funny! [attachment=271] paint a crutch on the invalid coach?
Reply
#5
I've been looking for this joke ever since you started the thread!
it was at our old home


There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meaning than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we waken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?


Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?


We call UP our friends, we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.


At other times the little word has real special meaning.
People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing:
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.


We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.


We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP.


To be knowledgeable of the proper uses of UP, look UP the word in the dictionary. In a desk size dictionary, takes UP almost 1/4th the page and definitions add UP to about thirty.


If you are UP to! it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.


When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.


When it rains, it wets UP the earth. When it doesn't rain for awhile,things dry UP.


One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so I'll shut UP..... tard
_________________
Senility Prayer} grant me the senility to forget the people that I never liked.
The good fortune to run into the ones I do & the eye sight to tell the difference.
Reply
#6
[Image: 6kfyyr4.gif]

oh how i love the old ones the best,old wine in new bottles.
Reply
#7
slimken Wrote:[Image: 6kfyyr4.gif]
somebody's raring to go :woody:
slimken Wrote:oh how i love the old ones the best,old wine in new bottles.
I've been over at our old home, sifting thru the jokes
we have some good stuff over there!
L.W. used to send me the best ones.
Reply
#8
you are right...if only the penis was a pen
[Image: 6cz7j8j.gif]
Reply
#9
in a way, it is.. brotherhood of light book # 5 is about our basic drives
the sex drive is called The Drive for Significance and they say, the way to release it is either by doing something creative=like writing or drawing OR>>
"Nurturing" = planting crops, taking care of pets and people.

If you can't have a pet, start a garden?
Reply
#10
A Sardar applied for admission to a Medical College.



He never made it thru the Common Entrance Test (CET).



And he just could not understand why!!!!



Here's his Answer paper.



Define the following:



ANTI BODY - against everyone



ARTERY - the study of fine paintings



BACTERIA - back door to a cafeteria



BENIGN - what you be after eight



BOWEL - letters like a, e, I, o, you.



CAESAREAN SECTION - a district in Rome



CARDIOLOGY - advanced study of card playing



CAT SCAN - searching for a lost kitty



CHRONIC - the neck of a crow



COMA - punctuation mark



CORTISONE - area around the local court



CYST - short for sister



DIAGNOSIS - person with a slanted nose



DILATE - the late British Princess Diana



DISLOCATION - in this place



DUODENUM - a couple in blue jeans



ENEMA - not a friend


Reply
#11
here's another play on words}

Medical Ebonics
Benign - What you be after you be eight.
Artery - The study of paintings.
Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria.
Barium - What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section - A neighborhood in Rome.
CAT Scan - Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize - Made eye contact with her.
Coma -A punctuation mark.
D&C - Where Washington is.
Dilate -To live long.
Enema-Notafriend.
Fester - Quicker than someone else.
Fibula - A small lie.
G.l.Series - World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail - what you hang your coat on.
Impotent - Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain - Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff - A Doctors cane.
Morbid - A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates - Cheaper than day rates.
Node - Something ya knew all along.
Outpatient - A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear - A slur against yer Daddy's honor.
Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative - A letter carrier.
Recovery Room - Place to do re-upholstery.
Rectum - Damn near totalled the pick-up.
Secretion - Hiding something.
Seizure - Roman emperor.
Tablet - A small table.
Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor - More than one.
Urine - Opposite of yer out.
Varicose - Near by/close by.
Reply
#12
What's the matter with peeling off your clothes and swinging across the
room from the chandlier? That way you get in some excerise also. I hate
to say this but taking care of pets and people is an necessity not an act
of sex stimulation. Now I was reading long time ago when I was young
that the way to put yourself in an heighted "mood" was to hug your washer while it was in the spin cycle, thereby giving your organs down
below an "buzz" or would that be an "whirl" for the day, which kept it
hummed and in tune for when hubby came home from work. But then
again...I read that walking up and down stairways is like having sex, I live in an two story house...and I washed clothes one day from early morning to when hubby came home and he said, How was your day?..and I said, I feel "raped" deary! He went to eat dinner and didn't say an thing. The English language is hard to learn because we have
words like "Gas' ...which could mean anything from relieving it, to buying it in order to drive down the street..so when your teenager walks by and says he needs money for "Gas" your wondering...How much? Is
that for pepto bismal or to go get his favortie girl...and if you think this is wacky...I let you "duh'...."Gas" what I mean.
Reply
#13
kemokae Wrote:What's the matter with peeling off your clothes and swinging across the
room from the chandlier? That way you get in some excerise also.
that gives me quite an image! :rubeyes2: Confusedmellie_oO:
kemokae Wrote:I hate to say this but taking care of pets and people is an necessity not an act
of sex stimulation.
if it is, maybe you should be reported to P.E.T.A.?
What I read is
thru "nurturing", be it a pet a person or a plant {that is a release for the otherwise frustrated energy.
The Sex Drive is The Drive For Significance {it can only be released in a few ways:
thru creativity [including making babies] or by nurturing something

kemokae Wrote:Now I was reading long time ago when I was young
that the way to put yourself in an heighted "mood" was to hug your washer while it was in the spin cycle, thereby giving your organs down
below an "buzz" or would that be an "whirl" for the day, which kept it
hummed and in tune for when hubby came home from work. But then
again...I read that walking up and down stairways is like having sex, I live in an two story house...and I washed clothes one day from early morning to when hubby came home and he said, How was your day?..and I said, I feel "raped" deary! He went to eat dinner and didn't say an thing. The English language is hard to learn because we have
words like "Gas' ...which could mean anything from relieving it, to buying it in order to drive down the street..so when your teenager walks by and says he needs money for "Gas" your wondering...How much? Is
that for pepto bismal or to go get his favortie girl...and if you think this is wacky...I let you "duh'...."Gas" what I mean.

the point of going up & down stairs? {that's the way to enjoy ben wa balls
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)